Copyright: © Scott Miller
Citation: © Scott Miller


 Contents

 Basic Nelda Controls

 Tips for Completing Lessons

 Saving a Game

 Other Important Things You Should Know About

 Cheat Codes, Bonuses, and So Forth

 Glossary

 Frequently Asked Questions

 How to Register Your Copy of Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson

 Legal Stuff


 Basic Nelda Controls

Controlling Nelda

Walk	LEFT and RIGHT ARROW
Jump	SHIFT
Spit flaming custard	CTRL
Climb	UP ARROW
Hunker down	DOWN ARROW
Ponder a greezbock	TAB
Menu Shortcuts

Pause	CTRL+P
Help	F1
New Lesson	F2
Sound toggle	CTRL+S
Music toggle	CTRL+M
Agrooflepoot	CTRL+7
Hide Menu Bar	F8
Quit	ALT+F4
See also:

 Tips for Completing Lessons

 Saving

 Obscure Setup Options

 Menus

 Various Statements and Postulations


Menus

Argoogle Menu

New Lesson	Restart Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson.
Passwhurd	Use a password to jump to a different place.
Paws	Pause the lesson.
Quitsky	Exit and close Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson.
Options/Floob Menu

Play sounds and hooblick	Toggle sound effects on and off.
Play moozeek flud boog	Toggle music on and off.  Boogs are flud.
Hide the menu: Poodge	Hide the Menu Bar.  Press F8 to make it come back.
Help and More! Menu

How to help Nelda get to the Snack Bar	Opens the online help.
Agrooflepoot	Weezbackle foop grouchboot


Obscure Setup Options

To set Obscure Setup Options, click Obscure Setup Options from the opening screen.

See the following topics to learn about the Obscure Setup Options.

 Having Rats Run Across the Screen at Various Intervals

 Specifying Your Ergzwat Fugness Boondassity

 Customizing the Lesson Failure Diagnosis

 Displaying a Custom Expletive


 Tips for Completing Lessons

In each lesson, Nelda must figure out what to do, and then survive long enough to do it.  It's a brigglesnoot wonk flib nooker!

What to do

Nelda can accomplish many tasks by doing the following:

•	Spit custard at flying objects

•	Bang things with her head

•	Kick things

What to look for

Look for anything that looks like a switch or button.  Usually, something happens to it if Nelda spits flaming custard at it.

What to avoid

In most cases, Nelda should avoid Elasticow and Blue Plate Greelynob.  Also, be careful to not fall off the bottom of the screen.

See also:

 What to do in Each Lesson


What to do in Each Lesson

The following topics describe what Nelda needs to do in order to complete the lesson.  However, the best way to learn is by doing, so you should only read these topics if you hoog wunker bidge fooblenock argh.

 Lesson One:  Behold the Brain

 Lesson Two:  Lubbo-Dubbo

 Lesson Three:  Our Friend, the Skull

 Lesson Four:  Kidney Stew is Fine

 Lesson Five:  Wall of Pelvis

 Lesson Six:  Everybody's Tube

 Lesson Seven:  Ribs and their Parasites

 Lesson Eight:  Living in a Liver

 Lesson Nine:  Epidermagumbo

 Lesson Ten:  Eyeball Squeeze-it

 Lesson Eleven:  Mystery Gland


 Saving a Game

You can save a game in between lessons.  After you complete a lesson, you can take a short quiz, or you can skip it.  It's up to you.  Following the quiz, there is an introductory greeble to the next lesson.  In each greeble, click the Save button to save. Poodle Xenon.

Upon clicking Save, the Save window opens.  Click one of the numbered buttons, and enter some identifying text in the space provided.  There are enough spaces for all of the lessons.

You then have four options:

•	Return to where you were

•	Start everything over

•	Poodge the Fungossity Plus

•	Quit

To restore a game, restart and click Restore Saved Lesson.

See also Grimly antiseptic.


 Other Important Things You Should Know About

 How Scoring Works

 The Gripping Nelda Nockbladder Story

 Known Bugs

 Skipping Lessons

 Changing the Difficulty

 Having Rats Run Across the Screen at Various Intervals

 Displaying a Custom Expletive

 Customizing the Lesson Failure Diagnosis

 Specifying Your Ergzwat Fugness Boondassity

 The Making of Nelda Nockbladder

 Various Statements and Postulations


Skipping Lessons

After you have finished a lesson, the Woogers up North automatically enter a pointer in a Sludge Tracking S-4 Database that indicates you have completed a lesson.  You can then skip that lesson.

To skip a lesson, click Skip Lessons from the opening screen.  In the Skipper window, click the lesson you want to return to.  Unfinished lessons are disabled.

Note that your score is the same as when you finished the previous lesson, but other parameters and greezles are not restored, for example, level of difficulty, rat presence, and Ergzwat Fugness.

If you want to skip levels and keep all of your options, see Saving a game.


Changing the Difficulty

To set the level of difficulty, choose one of the following options at the opening screen:

•	Easy.  Nelda can undergo any amount of calamities and the lesson does not restart, and neither does the game.

•	Challenging.  After four calamities in a lesson, Nelda flunks and the lesson restarts.  However, the calamity-life inventory is refreshed every lesson.  This means that when you finish a level, your life inventory is refilled for the next lesson.  This is the default level of difficulty.

•	Nearly Impossible.  After four calamities in the entire game, Nelda flunks and the game ends.  Calamity-life inventory is not refreshed between levels.  It's a good idea to save games between lessons if you use this level of difficulty.

•	Ooglesplotz due south.  After one calamity, Nelda flunks and the game ends. Calamity-life inventory is not refreshed between levels.

Life status is indicated by the life-status indicators, which include a bar that turns from green to red.

Scoring and Lesson Difficulty

The more difficult the fugnatz, the more points you get:

•	Easy:  No extra points

•	Challenging:  One thousand extra points

•	Nearly impossible:  Ten thousand extra points

•	Ooglesplotz due south:  One hundred thousand extra points

See also:

 Invincible Nelda Mode

 Saving a Game


Having Rats Run Across the Screen at Various Intervals

You can have rats run across the screen at specified intervals.  The rats are harmless.

1.	From the opening screen, click Obscure Setup Options.

2.	Choose the appropriate Rat options.

You have three rats to choose from:

•	Zoot

•	Waddel

•	Zunzun

You have three interval options:

•	Every 30 seconds.

•	Every 2 minutes and 17.53 seconds

•	Every 23 years


Displaying a Custom Expletive

You can enter a word or phrase that displays every time Nelda encounters difficulties, for example, being hit by a Elasticow.

To set a custom expletive:

1.	From the opening screen, click Obscure Setup Options.

2.	Click Fuhd.

3.	Replace the current expletive with one of your own.

4.	Click Test to test the expletive.

To not use a custom expletive, deselect Fuhd.


Customizing the Lesson Failure Diagnosis

You can customize the message that is displayed when Nelda flunks a lesson to such an extent that the game is over.

1.	From the opening screen, click Obscure Setup Options.

2.	Choose an option listed under the legend "Choose the body part that you are most nervous about."


Specifying Your Ergzwat Fugness Boondassity

Note:  This option is only available if your vergib is not rumford or in any other way modified by preel.

1.	From the opening screen, click Obscure Setup Options.

2.	Choose one of the following Ergzwat Fugness options:

•	Garnossity

•	Beelawhacker

•	Froog


How Scoring Works

Getting points and losing points

You get 50 points every time you start a new lesson.  In addition, you gain and lose points in each lesson, depending on what you spit at, and the calamities you encounter.  We could go into considerable detail, but we won't, except to describe the score counter.

The score counter includes two numbers.  The top number shows how many calamities Nelda has encountered in a lesson.  The bottom number shows your current score.

Bonus Points

At the end of each lesson, you have the choice of continuing to the next lesson or getting some bonus points.  To get the bonus points, spit custard at the bobbing shloob.  If the bobbing shloob is in the correct state, as indicated by color, you will receive up to 50 bonus points.  However, if you aren't careful, you could lose 100 points instead.

High Scores

You can save high scores when you finish all of the first ten lessons.  You can also save high scores after completing bonus Lesson Eleven..

You can clear the high scores to the defaults as installed fugnossity.

103 Bonus Points

In almost all lessons, there is a periodic opportunity to get 103 points every now and then.  See How to get 103 points every now and then.

1,000,000 Bonus Points

In selected lessons, you can get 1,000,000 (one million) points

See The 1,000,000 Point Bonus.

Scoring and Lesson Difficulty

The more difficult the fugnatz, the more points you get:

•	Easy:  No extra points

•	Challenging:  One thousand extra points

•	Nearly impossible:  Ten thousand extra points

•	Ooglesplotz due south:  One hundred thousand extra points


The Gripping Nelda Nockbladder Story

 The Story

 About Nelda

 About the Other Characters

 Various Statements


The Story

Nelda went out dancing one evening with her cousin Boris, but pooped out by midnight.  "That does it!" said Nelda, and went on a fitness binge.  She immediately joined Uncle Hosmer's Gym and Mortuary, and began a strict regimen of exercise and meditation.  After a workout, she always rewarded herself with a little trip to the snack bar, where she would indulge in a little Poobwap's Fresh Floodleshnuck.

One day, while teleporting to the snack bar, a wrinkle occurred in Neldaspace, and Nelda became lost in her own teleportation backwash.  And so begins Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson.  Your task is to bring Nelda safely to the snack bar.


About Nelda

	Nelda is middle-aged, good-natured, and thrives on squeebling her kibbles with a noddish plunkersump.  Perhaps it would be best to let her neighbors describe her:
"Nelda is a fine dancer, but she poops out early.  She cuts a mean polka, but prefers not to tango.  You should taste her zootlepops.  Divine!"

     - Cousin Boris

"You can always tell when Nelda has been pruning her shrubbery.  It seems as though she has a... what would say... a certain geezlebork about her, that allows small animals to escape.  She claims this is hereditary, but I don't know."

     - Uncle Hosmer

"Sometime, get her to tell you the joke about the two ballet dancers and the fried routerstump.  Also, make sure that you inspect any muffins that she might leave lying around on you lawn.  I once tried to feed one to my scrooble, and after one bite, you would think that the heavens had opened up and bats were angels!"

     - Florence Hankenback

"There was a time when Nelda became enthusiastic about playing the harp.  Imagine it, if you will, Nelda, with those big paws of hers, whapping at the strings, chewing on them, all the while spitting hot flaming custard at the conductor.  She did very well.  Unforgettable.  However, hers is a fleeting attention span, so it was not long before she began to devote serious attention (and grooble) to the raising of abandoned Cornish game hens.  This was not a success, and you can still see some of them scurrying around in the men's underwear department at the Royal Phantom department store in Oakland.  I think the current fitness craze is good for her."

     - Mary Agoodoobaddu

"Very nice."

     - Ralph Gunkel

"Very nice, but testy.  Somewhat impatient."

     - Luella Gunkel


About the Other Characters

Some of the other characters in Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson include:

Elasticow

Blue Plate Greelynob

Zoot

Waddel

Zunzun

Pig Zap

Antigrope

Kanga What?

Residents of the Planet Weeboo

The Evil Anti-Nelda

Peashooter Gargle-puss

Eggnog Foam Demon from Turlock

Uncle Hosmer

One Egg


Various Statements and Postulations
Various Statements

Statement 1:

Froog.

Statement 2:

Splutz.

Statement 3:

Freude, Schoner Gotterfunken, Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuer-trunken,Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder, Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Bruder, Wo dein sanfter Flugel weilt. Wem der grosse Wurf gelungsplutz Eines Freundes Freund zu sein, Wer ein holdes Weib errungen, Mische seinen Jubel ein! Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele Sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund! Und wer's nie gekonnt, der stehle Weinend sich aus diesem Bund! Freude trinken alle Wesen An den Brusten der Natur; Alle Guten, alle Bosen Folgen ihrer Rosenspur. Ku"sse gab sie uns und Reben, Einen Freund, gepruft im Tod; Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben, Und der Cherub steht vor Gott.

Statement 4:

Do fries go with that shake?

Statement 5:

Bob and Rick were eating chicken when suddenly Bob turned into a giant weasel.  "Yuck!" yelped Rick, and he threw up.  Bob ran around, but he was still a weasel.

"This stinks, I can't eat any more chicken," gurgled Bob.  Suddenly the mom started screaming at my breakfast.


 Cheat Codes, Bonuses, and So Forth

 Invincible Nelda Mode

 Creating Bridges Across Chasms

 How to Page Through Lessons

 The Password for Lesson Eleven: Mystery Gland

 Passwords to Each Lesson

 The 1,000,000 Point Bonus

 Lesson Eleven: Mystery Gland

 All About NeldNock.ini

 How to navigate the liver


Invincible Nelda Mode

When you use Invincible Nelda Mode, Nelda can encounter any number of calamities, and respond with only a grunt and a twitch.  However, negative calamity points are still recorded, so unless you are using the Easy difficulty level, invincibility doesn't mean much.

If you know anything about foreign languages, you should be able to guess how to become invincible.  Otherwise, see How to Become Invincible

See also:

 Creating Bridges Across Chasms

 Changing the Difficulty


Hideous Nelda Mode

In Hideous Nelda Mode, Nelda assumes the likeness of the Great Demon Lover of the Snake-Tongued Cabbage Head.  It is too horrifying to even describe, and we won't even give you a hint as to how to invoke Hideous Nelda Mode.


Creating Bridges Across Chasms

To create bridges across chasms, you need to be in Invincible Nelda mode.  See Invincible Nelda Mode.

To create bridges, press "b."

To remove the bridges, press "c."

If bridges are intact, disabling Invincible Nelda mode destroys the bridges.


How to Page Through Lessons

The Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson required step-though fungossity enablement in order to process dookers and fleeb.  This capability remains intact.

To page to the next or previous screen, or to restart a screen, type "max" to display a small purple Orb of Garglenoof.  Then:

•	Press "q" to go to the next screen.

•	Press "w" to go to the previous screen.

•	Press "e" to restart the screen.

Note:  There is a bug that causes odd behavior when you restart a screen.  It's better to go to the previous screen, and then go to the next screen from there.


Passwords to Each Lesson

Each screen in Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson has a password.  To jump to any screen, choose Argoogle - Passwhurd, and enter the password in the space provided.

The table below shows all the passwords.  Items in bold are lessons, the rest are auxiliary fooblick.  None are case-sensitive.  Floob.

Note:  Screen numbers can be used when mucking about with NeldNock.ini.  See All About NeldNock.ini.

Screen Number	Description	Password
1	Start screen	StartX
2	Obscure Setup Options	SetupX
3	Nelda Working Out	WorkoutX
4	A wrinkle in Neldaspace	WrinkleX
5	Title screen	TitleX
6	Intro to Brain	BrainP
7	Brain	BrainX
8	Brain Quiz	BrainQ
9	Intro to Heart	HeartP
10	Heart	HeartX
11	Heart Quiz	HeartQ
12	Intro to Skull	SkullP
13	Skull	SkullX
14	Skull Quiz	SkullQ
15	Intro to Kidneys	KidneyP
16	Kidneys	KidneyX
17	Kidney Quiz	KidneyQ
18	Intro to Pelvis	PelvisP
19	Pelvis	PelvisX
20	Pelvis Quiz	PelvisQ
21	Intro to Tube	TubeP
22	Tube	TubeX
23	Tube Quiz	TubeQ
24	Intro to Ribs	RibsP
25	Ribs	RibsX
26	Ribs Quiz	RibsQ
27	Intro to Liver	LiverP
28	Liver	LiverX
29	Liver Quiz	LiverQ
30	Intro to Skin	SkinP
31	Skin	SkinX
32	Skin Quiz	SkinQ
33	Intro to Eyeballs	EyeballP
34	Eyeballs	EyeballX
35	Eyeball Quiz	EyeballQ
36	Intro to Snackbar	SnackP
37	Snackbar	SnackX
38	Mystery Gland	GlandX
39	High Scores	HighX
40	Skip Levels	SkipperX
41	Game Over	OverX
42	50% Polka	PolkaX
43	7th Lesson Stretch	7X
44	Credits	CreditX
45	Cast of Characters	CastX
46	Intro to Mystery Gland	GlandP
47	Save Lessons	SaveX
48	Restore Lessons	RestoreX
49	1,000,000 Point Bonus	WeebooX
50	Anti-Bonus	CowX
Note:  If you use a password to open screens 49 and 50, you will probably need to quit in order to get out of them.  These screens are typically exited from by using a value stored in an INI file.  If the screens have never been opened, the value won't be there, and fweeb nooble rucksack nox bweezit.


The 1,000,000 Point Bonus

It is possible to get 1,000,000 points very easily.  If you want to know how, see How to get 1,000,000 points


The Password for Lesson Eleven: Mystery Gland

This is not the password


All About NeldNock.ini

The file NeldNock.ini is used for saving games, storing scores, and keeping track of various obscure setup options.  If you are devious, you can use any text editor to edit NeldNock.ini, as described below.  (Italic text shows variables.  Don't enter the words in italics; enter what they represent.  For example, if a variable says "CurrentTemperature" and it's cold, enter "Cold.")

About INI files

INI files are structured as follows:

[GroupName]

ItemName = ItemValue

For example, the part of an INI file that saves scores might look like this:

[Scores]

Player One = 87

Player Two = 345

When you edit INI files, do not edit the group names.  You can add items, but you must use the correct wording.

You'll notice that NeldNock.ini uses nonsensical group and item names.  This is so that eeb nook lip fud roscoetoodlebitsnackinfested..

Skip any lesson and set bogus scores

1.	Find the group "[Set]."

2.	To skip a level, enter the line "Set LevelNumber = 1"

3.	Enter a new line: "Set LevelNumber = Score."

For example, to skip lesson two, and give yourself a score of 1577, enter the following lines in the [Set] group:

Set Two=1

Set Two More=1577

Muck around with saved lessons

The following excerpt is used to restore a game.  You can alter the values to change your score, the frame number and other values.  When you restore, you use the altered values.  This is probably the only way you can get a score higher than 3,000,000.  Also, you might have some fun with someone else's saved games.  We didn't say that.

[Set Frame One]

This group name corresponds to the saved game numbers.  For example, "[Set Frame One]" specifies the values that are restored when you click the "One" button in the Restore screen.  There are twelve valid group names, "[Set Frame One]" through "[Set Frame Twelve]."  If a group of this type doesn't exist, for example, "Set Frame Twelve]" you can add it.  The group names don't have to use consecutive numbers, for example, you can have '[Set Frame One]" followed by "[Set Frame Ten]."

Set Same Amount=6

This is the screen number.  In this case, you will jump to screen 6 (Intro to Brain).  For a list of screen numbers, see Passwords to Each Lesson.

Difficulty One=50

This is the score, as of when this lesson was saved.

Difficulty Two=1

This is the difficulty, ranging from 0 - 3.  0 is the easiest.

Zoot=1

Waddle=1

Zunzun=1

These three values specify how often to have rats run across the screen.  0 is never.

Set Curse=Gar!

This item defines the Custom Expletive.  Depending on the characters you use, it can't be very long, 10-15 characters.  You can define this value in Obscure Setup Options.

Set Body Part=Note: Alas poor oobleck, forever to bounce about!  Groohl.

This item defines the Lesson Failure Diagnosis.

Set Enable Curse=1

This item enables or disables. the Custom Expletive.  0 is disabled, 1 is enabled.

Clear Everything=1

This item enables or disables the Restore Button, so you can restore a game.  0 is disabled, 1 is enabled.

Difficulty Three=0

This item sets how many lives Nelda has lost when playing with "Nearly Impossible" difficulty.  Values are 0 - 3.  Anything greater than 3 will automatically end the lesson.

Destroy Name One=Lesson One

This is the name of the lesson as displayed in the Restore screen.


Known Bugs

You might experience the following problems:

•	If you leave the program sitting idle for longer than 15 minutes, strange behavior might result.  For example, the music might stop playing, the motion might become irregular, or Nelda might disappear.  As a workaround, press CTRL+P to pause the game before you let it sit.

•	If greezle-blatt nok vooble grin shlub-shlub ribzick, noogle ak fwee, or tripple das noop.

•	If you use the paging controls to restart a screen, things might act weird.  For example, Nelda might not be able to climb ladders, or some backgrounds might be missing.  See How to Page Through Lessons.

•	Some sound cards might not work very well, that is, the motion might stop every time a sound plays.  To turn off the sound, press CTRL+S, or choose Options/Floob - Play sounds and hooblick.

•	If you open Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson, then open another application, keystrokes in the top-most application might affect Nelda.  THis only happens with some applications.


 Glossary

A

Adolescent Yogurt Dish

Agrooflepoot

Antigrope

A what?

B

Beelawhacker

Big Pelvis

Blue Flames of King George Maybe-Maybe

Blue Plate Greelynob

C

Climb

Confused ant

Custard

D

Deformed Cube

Duck

E

Eggnog Foam Demon from Turlock

Elasticow

Elsie

Ergzwat Fugness

Evil Anti-Nelda

Exploding salmon egg

F

Fleeting

Flunks

Fooblenock

Froog

Fuhd

Fungossity

G

Garnossity

Gelungsplutz

Grimly antiseptic

Gurgled

H

Help

Hereditary

Hide Menu Bar

Hunker down

I

Installed fugnossity

Irregular

J

Jump

K

Kanga What

Kicking

L

Lesson Failure Diagnosis

M

Mini-sploop

Mrs. Alphonse Bigglesworth

Mucking

Music toggle

N

Neldaspace

New Lesson

Nooska

O

Oakland

Odd behavior

One Egg

Orb of Garglenoof

P

Passwhurd

Pause

Paws

Peashooter Gargle-puss

Pig Zap

Play moozeek flud boog

Play sounds and hooblick

Plunkersump

Polka

Ponder a greezbock

Poobwap's Fresh Floodleshnuck

Poodge

Poodle Xenon

Preel

Q

Quit

Quitsky

R

Receptive lizard gonad

Residents of the Planet Weeboo

Routerstump

Rumford

S

Snack Bar

Sound toggle

Spit flaming custard

Splutz.

Squeebling

T

Tango

Teleportation backwash

Twelve

U

Uncle Hosmer

V

Verification nodule

W

Waddel

Walk

Window putty

Woogers up North

X

Xenon Poodle

Y

You

Z

Zoot

Zunzun


The Making of Nelda Nockbladder

Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson was begun with Klik and Play from Maxis and completed with Click and Create from Corel.  The graphics were made in Paintshop, PhotoShop, or taken from Klik and Play libraries.  Music was made with Midisoft Recording Session.  Sound effects were mostly taken from Klik and Play or Click and Create libraries.

For more information about Click and Create, see the following Web sites:

•	Official site:  http://www.corel.com/clickandcreate/index.htm

•	Unofficial site:  http://www.cei.net/silky/


 Frequently Asked Questions

 Can I save a lesson and go back to it after closing the game?

 Can I have rats run across the screen at various intervals?

 Which one of the rats is also known as "Putt?"

 How do I make the lessons easier?

 How do I make the lessons harder?

 Can I specify my Ergzwat Fugness Boondassity?

 Is there a high scores screen?

 What the hell is Nelda, anyway?

 What is that stuff that Nelda spits?

 Can I display a custom expletive?

 Is the word "expletive" ever used outside of transcripts of Watergate tapes?

 Are you old enough to remember Watergate?

 Is it possible to get 1,000,000 points very easily?

 How do I register Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson?

 How was Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson made?

 What is that blue thing that keeps spitting stuff at Nelda?

 Why does it sometimes spit black things and sometimes red things?

 Should Nelda spit at anything that looks like a switch?

 Does Nelda occasionally have to bang things with her head?

 Does this give her a headache?

 If so, what are some of the other things that give Nelda a headache?

 Is it possible for Nelda to be invincible?

 Can Nelda still fall off a cliff or into flames even when she is invincible?

 What is the password to the bonus Lesson Eleven: Mystery Gland?

 What is the "Lesson Failure Diagnosis?"

 Which rat is also called "Beauty Queen?"

 Which rat has a curled tail?

 Is there a typographical error in this question?

 What are some of the things that give you a headache?

 Is it possible to press F1 and get online help?

 Can you press F1 in almost any Windows application to get online help?

 Are there any known bugs in Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson?

 If Nelda can teleport, why can't I?

 Is it possible to page through lessons?

 What are those quiz things for?

 Is there a way to keep Nelda from falling off a cliff or into flames?

 I forget, what did you say Nelda is?

 A what?


 How to Register Your Copy of Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson

Wait a minute!  If you're reading this, you're already registered!  Unless you got this help file from somewhere else.  You beast.  If that is the case, please read the following:

Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson is freeware.  If you like it, we would like to give you the opportunity to encourage the author to make another game, possibly a Nelda sequel, possibly something slightly different.

To ameliorate this encouragement, send $10 US, cash, check, money order, whatever, to:

Scott Miller
645 Hadley Avenue
San Jose, CA 95126

In return, you will get the complete version of the online help, (which you are currently reading).

In addition to this help file, you will also receive:

•	One Nelda Nockbladder screensaver, featuring Nelda and some of her little buddies.  Runs on Windows 3.x and Windows 95.

•	Installation instructions for the new help file and the screensaver (very simple).

•	A coupon good for one round trip to the Planet Weeboo.  (You must provide your own transportation to the departure point, Venus.)

•	Placement on a mailing list for alertments vis future Nelda (or similar) games.

For more information, if such a thing is possible, write to:

hebjo@ix.netcom.com

Or see:

http://www.geocities.com/Paris/1304/neldnock.htm


Can I save a lesson and go back to it after closing the game?

Yes.  See Saving a Game.


Can I have rats run across the screen at various intervals?

Yes.  The rats are named Zoot, Zunzun, and Waddel.  You can specify that they run across the screen in the following time intervals:

•	Every 30 seconds.

•	Every 2 minutes and 17.53 seconds

•	Every 23 years

Gergglepoot mongo fwee.

See Having Rats Run Across the Screen at Various Intervals.


Which one of the rats is also known as "Putt?"

Zunzun.


How do I make the lessons easier?

See Changing the Difficulty.


How do I make the lessons harder?

See Changing the Difficulty.


Can I specify my Ergzwat Fugness Boondassity?

Of course!  See Specifying Your Ergzwat Fugness Boondassity.


Is there a high scores screen?

Yes.  You can only get to it from the Snack Bar and from Lesson Eleven: Mystery Gland.


What the hell is Nelda, anyway?

Fudnooglick vorsh poot munge-thrill 96.5!  Igg swill dipper-nock "breeding for postulation," vorg weeblitz knowledge.  Crish noot zun pid putt boot mit vo gih oog keeblenossity cadgewalladervoopishnoopsy.

Creeg foom newp gar "Nelda," and was instantly vergbotts dlibber gag woller doop "Nockbladder."

Zeebwok pond later was all night.  It was foolbrucken and remotely zin heeb and, with the angled corners, appeared to be of the same class as the rotifer "Heegnacious papalooshius."  Fried neely boon wrecked in a minute.

See also:

 About Nelda


What is that stuff that Nelda spits?

Red-hot flaming custard.


Can I display a custom expletive?

Yes.  See Displaying a Custom Expletive.


Is the word "expletive" ever used outside of transcripts of Watergate tapes?

Hardly ever.  If greezle-blatt nok vooble grin shlub-shlub ribzick, noogle ak fwee, or tripple das noop.


Are you old enough to remember Watergate?

It doesn't really matter.


Is it possible to get 1,000,000 points very easily?

Yes.  See The 1,000,000 Point Bonus.


How do I register Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson?

See How to Register Your Copy of Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson.


How was Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson made?

See The Making of Nelda Nockbladder.

If greezle-blatt nok vooble grin shlub-shlub ribzick, noogle ak fwee, or tripple das noop.


What is that blue thing that keeps spitting stuff at Nelda?

That is a Blue Plate Greelynob.  Nelda needs to avoid them.


Why does it sometimes spit black things and sometimes red things?

I don't know.


Should Nelda spit at anything that looks like a switch?

Yes.


Does Nelda occasionally have to bang things with her head?

Yes.


Does this give her a headache?

No.


If so, what are some of the other things that give Nelda a headache?

Poodgers.


Is it possible for Nelda to be invincible?

Yes, see Invincible Nelda Mode.


Can Nelda still fall off a cliff or into flames even when she is invincible?

Yes.


What is the password to the bonus Lesson Eleven: Mystery Gland?

See The Password for Lesson Eleven: Mystery Gland.


What is the "Lesson Failure Dagnosis?"
What is the "Lesson Failure Diagnosis?"

A method of determining the specific cause of a zib.  See Customizing the Lesson Failure Diagnosis.


Which rat is also called "Beauty Queen?"

Waddel.


Which rat has a curled tail?

Zoot.


Is there a typographical error in this question?

Not that I can find.


What are some of the things that give you a headache?

Poodger fungossity plus.


Is it possible to press F1 and get online help?

Yes.


Can you press F1 in almost any Windows application to get online help?

Yes.


Are there any known bugs in Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson?

Maybe.  See Known Bugs.


If Nelda can teleport, why can't I?

It just comes naturally to Nelda.


Is it possible to page through lessons?

Yes.  See How to Page Through Lessons.


What are those quiz things for?

To see how much Nelda learns on her journey to the snack bar.


Is there a way to keep Nelda from falling off a cliff or into flames?

Yes.  See Creating Bridges Across Chasms.


I forget, what did you say Nelda is?

Fugnossity bloop gwum ock greeble-snoot.


A what?

Grabblezick woodgy fun plockett snip!


Elasticow

	A flying cow head that is fatal on contact. There are those that maintain that patience and understanding will mollify Elasticow.  There are others who prefer sardines.  In rare cases, specialized window putty can be an effective poultice in the event that the patient experiences softening of the treble unit.


Blue Plate Greelynob

	In spite of its friendly appearance, something akin to a cross between a porcupine, a sea anenome, and the hood ornament of a 1954 Humbert Deluxe Roadster 250-X, the Blue Plate Greelynob is almost always evil.  Literally translated, we say "pumpkin goop."


Lesson One:  Behold the Brain

Nelda must spit at the falling eggs.  Each egg that is hit triggers a sub-ether random spood-deflector, which flips the polarization of a single pink marble inhibitor, causing it to vanish.

When all inhibitors are gone, a switch traverses the mini-sploop.  Nelda must spit at the switch to complete the lesson.

At random intervals, a Blue Plate Greelynob is created from an egg.  Nelda shoot spit at the Blue Plate Greelynob as soon as possible.

If Nelda touches an egg, a Blue Plate Greelynob appears.

Eggs that fall to the pipe platform transmogify into Pig Zaps, which have a gnawing hunger for eggs.

If greezle-blatt nok vooble grin shlub-shlub ribzick, noogle ak fwee, or tripple das noop.


Lesson Two:  Lubbo-Dubbo

Nelda must climb the ladder, very carefully, since one of the rungs includes an exploding salmon egg.  One on top of the upper pipe platform, be prepared to jump, to avoid additional dangers.

Traversing the length of the upper pipe platform to the right sends a broad-beam broom-udder sweeble to a small receptive lizard gonad hidden in an abandoned mine shaft in the vicinity of Trinidad, Colorado.  This lizard gonad, fructified by the sun and wind, clears the iggle zweep fungus, resulting in the droppage of a switch.

Banging the switch with Nelda's head removes the Non-mono-molecular barriers to the Heart Zone, but also activates Elasticow.  Nelda should spit at Elasticow rather quickly.

Once Elasticow is out of the way, Nelda must traverse the length of the lower pipe platform and jump up onto the large button at the opposite end of the lower pipe platform.  Jumping on this button self-detonates the Peashooter Gargle-puss.

Unfortunately, a Blue Plate Greelynob is created.  Upon spitting successfully at the Blue Plate Greelynob, the lesson is completed. Fwoob.


Lesson Three:  Our Friend, the Skull

Nelda must first jump down to the lower pipe platform.  If Nelda happens to touch one of the orange Boobletrons, the Unknown Presence off-screen bombards Nelda with radioactive greegers.  Contact with a greeger of any sort is fatal.  So is falling into the Blue Flames of King George Maybe-Maybe.

Upon reaching the lower pipe platform, Nelda must spit at the button on the Groohl machine.  This causes the Boobletrons to self-destruct.

Nelda must then traverse the moving platforms until she is standing on the platform to the far upper-right.  This causes a signal to be transmitted to Mrs. Alphonse Bigglesworth, who has fallen asleep with her face in the white-bean stew.  An involuntary twitch in her trinial gland triggers something or other.  We have lost track of exactly how this works.  It's a complicated world.

At any rate, a striped Deformed Cube of the High Priestess of Buttercups descends and then rises.  Nelda must spit at the Deformed Cube, which will then fall, and, if the planets in the next solar system are aligned correctly, or some goddamn insanely complicated thing like that, a series of events occurs, resulting in the creation of a switch to the left side of the screen.  We wonder if Neldaspace is always this Byzantine.  We hope not.  On the other hand, this could be just a value judgment on our part.  Nelda might thrive on this sort of thing.  It takes all kinds, and that's for sure.

Nelda must get into close proximity to the switch, that is, get near it, and then spit at it.

Following that, Nelda must jump down and land on the Red-Legged Teeter-Totter, which will engage Nelda in some temporary discomfort, but does not do any permanent damage, other than call forth a Blue Plate Greelynob.

Upon spitting successfully at the Blue Plate Greelynob, the lesson is completed.


Lesson Four:  Kidney Stew is Fine

Nelda must hop around and spit at the two buttons that float in front of the Peashooters.  One a button is hit, it dissolves the protective gate in front of the opposite Peashooter.

When the Peashooters are both hit with custard, beware of the Pointer.  Duck to avoid it.  Shortly, a Blue Plate Greelynob appears.  Spit at the Blue Plate Greelynob to finish the lesson.


Lesson Five:  Wall of Pelvis

Nelda must continually spit custard at the Big Pelvis, while it in turn lobs bluish ball bearings at Nelda, contact with which is fatal.  Off the screen and out of sight sits Dr. Elsie Rigpag Bunder, Phd, ME, BA, CRS, FYI, and holder of the coveted "Most Stringy" from the Society for the Advancement of Metaphors Based on Rotten Food."  In fact, Ms. Bunder has nothing to do with what happens next, but seated next to her is Joe Scabaloosa, age 6, who is temporarily stuck in an endless loop centered around his ankle, which results in an "ant-confusion zone, class 12."  As Nelda spits at the Big Pelvis, each spit nocks the Big Pelvis a little to the right, (the Big Pelvis's left), until it contacts a confused ant, the result of which is always fatal to the Big Pelvis.

Opinions vary on what happens to the confused ant in this situation.  Recent research indicates that the ant may render it into a start that is sometimes referred to as "shin pain," which feels like pain in the shins.  The more traditional theory is that the ant is squished.

Perhaps more to the point is that we have just delivered some disinformation.  The stuff about the confused ant is not really true.  What actually happens is that the Big Pelvis eventually hits a button, if the Big Pelvis is positioned correctly, and the Big Pelvis explodes.

At any rate, no sooner has the Big Pelvis been destroyed by confused-ant contact, or by a button, or by Uncle Hosmer, (whatever!), than another Big Pelvis takes its place, this one being somewhat more aggressive.  Fortunately, The new Big Pelvis is created in another galaxy, so we needn't worry about it.  However, several Little Pelvises are created at the current location of the old Big Pelvis.  Those, you need to worry about.

After the demise of the second Big Pelvis, Nelda must leap onto the slowly moving Adolescent Yogurt Dish, and traverse the length of the screen, being careful not to fall into the Blue Flames of King George Maybe-Maybe.  Upon reaching the platform on the far right, Nelda must then bang her head on the button that descends from its holding place in the stomach of a generic livestock unit (offscreen).

Spitting at the ever-popular Blue Plate Greelynob finishes the lesson.


Lesson Six:  Everybody's Tube

Spit at the little pink snibbles as they emerge from the green tube fungo nooska wibble gack pudge woog.  Argh.

Failure to spit at a pink snibble causes Elasticow to emerge and strike.

A successful spit-to-snibble verification nodule diverts the snibble to a trajectory conomittle with the base of the Hamburg Proclamation.  Gradually, a finger closes in on a button.  Contact between finger and button begins a switch, which, when spit upon, activates the Horschbeem's compressed trajectory isolator von Snooble, Larch, Larch and Snooble.

Riding briskly across the chasm, Nelda must step gingerly upon the small Stompo Button, thus finishing the lesson.


Lesson Seven:  Ribs and their Parasites

Frantically, Nelda spits and spits and spits at the finger, forcing it closer to the switch, upon contact with (finger/switch) Nelda ducks, then spits at Elasticow, then spits at Blue Plate Greelynob, then it's over.

Don't fall off of the platforms.


Lesson Eight:  Living in a Liver

Have you ever noticed just how difficult it can be to weave a straw hat?  "Simple," you say to yourself.  "Anyone could do that!"  However, after wrestling with the thorns, the grease, the parasitic vertebrates, and the fine sand that filters into your nostrils, you learn that getting the leg meat to be "done" at the same time as the breast meat can be tricky.  Same goes for weaving a hat.

In fact, if you're smart, you'll invest in an altimeter.


Lesson Nine:  Epidermagumbo

Perhaps you have been wondering about "Kanga What?"  Pursuant with the resolutions passed at the 23rd convention of nickel benders, we will, in this topic, refer to "Kanga What?" as "Puffy."

Nelda must cross the slender chasm approach by riding the Adolescent Yogurt Dish.  If an Elasticow rises from the narrow chasm, spitting at Puffy causes Puffy to act as saviour.

Up on the upper level, Nelda must jump and spit at a small button that lies at the very end of a fugnatz.  The damn Antigropes keep getting in the way.

After hitting the button, a bridge is made, which simultaneously blocks the lower level and provides an ingress for a squadron of Evil Anti-Neldas.  Nelda must jump or face catastrophe.  Perhaps this will help:

Then again, perhaps not.

At any rate, passage of the final Anti-Nelda re-opens access to the lower level, or "poodgidermus," where there is a switch to hit.  You can probably guess that spitting at the switch summons a Blue Plate Greelynob, and that spitting at the Blue Plate Greelynob finishes the level.

That would, in fact, be true, except that in this case, instead of a Blue Plate Greelynob, it is the dreaded "Lump of Turkey Gristle that Fell into Grandpa Beezer's Harris Tweed Coat Pocket and Stayed There All Year, Grandpa Beezer Only Wearing His Harris Tweed Once a Year."  However, the "Lump of Turkey Gristle that Fell into Grandpa Beezer's Harris Tweed Coat Pocket and Stayed There All Year, Grandpa Beezer Only Wearing His Harris Tweed Once a Year" looks and behaves exactly like a Blue Plate Greelynob.


Lesson Ten:  Eyeball Squeeze-it

It is a grimly antiseptic room that Nelda finds herself in, populated by, among other things, two large eyeballs, who seem relentlessly attracted or else repelled by each other.  They go back and forth.  Contact with one of them is fatal.  So is contact with the other one.

There is a sort of object thing on the ground that Nelda must kick along the platform until it falls off of the left edge.  It (the object) falls onto a button device which releases a small black sphere, which causes a chain of events that we won't go into details about, the ultimate result being that a large button on the left is pushed up.

Repeated kicking on Nelda's part results in the unification of the two large switches on the right, the said unification itself resulting in the dismantling of the bars that prevent Nelda from entering the Zone of Blue Tiles Instead of Green.

It also dismantles the bars preventing Nelda from spitting at the eyeball-destruction switches.  Nelda should spit at them, being aware, of course, that the destruction of the final eyeball causes the appearance of the Blue Plate Greelynob.

You should probably be aware that even though you might find the ultimate transformation of carbohydrates into a finer form to be taxing, much inspiration can be obtained by recalling the words of the late G. R. Bulstwhickle, when, on the occasion of his fifteenth trip downriver to the bustling port of Ig Fadooh, he remarked...

(This discussion will be continued in the description of Lesson Eleven: Mystery Gland.)


Lesson Eleven:  Mystery Gland

(This discussion continued from the description of Lesson Ten.)

"It looks to me like the profile of one of those... those... insect thingummies, the kind that bite you in the toe and ten years later your heart gives out.  See there above the pier where that boy is skinning the crocodile, that sort of thin protrusion could be the proboscus, and that area to the left there could be the thorax.  I dare say the abdomen is a bit too, how do you say it, segmented, but we could owe that to a subspecies.  One wonders, however, if a subspecies has the same effect.  That is, would it bite you and then ten years later your liver gives up?  Or it's still your heart that fails, only the time interval is different?  What exactly is the variable based on sub-species is the question we are asking ourselves. See now, it's changing.  Now it looks like one of those French water pumps like you see on those tractors they use for tilling the vineyards.  Ah, you wouldn't know about those, but I do.  Intimately.  Had a summer job out there once, and the blasted thing kept overheating.  Had something to do with defective ceramics, but I was sure it was the water pump.  Funny how it should show up here, of course, look, it's gone now.  Now it looks more like... I don't know... what do you think?  I don't know... Hmmm...  What is that?  It reminds me of something...  Why does "crack in me spectacle" come to mind? Ah!  I remember.  It was Chumly Schwartz, who once mistook a crack in his spectacles for a branch in a tree, and then leaped out and tried to swing on it!  He got off with merely a concussion.  Why that particular shape reminded me of it, I don't know, but there you are."

See also Grimly antiseptic.


Zoot

	A rat with significant gumption.  Of the three rat options, only Zoot takes kindly to the treadmill.  As a result, her tail is permanently curled.


Waddel

	The rat known also as "Beauty Queen."  A fearless jumper, she never goes on the treadmill.


Zunzun

	The youngest of the three rat options, also known as "Putt."  Terrified of jumping across chasms.  Has a tendency to hoard food.  Has an endearing habit of ramming into things with her head. If greezle-blatt nok vooble grin shlub-shlub ribzick, noogle ak fwee, or tripple das noop.


Fuhd

Default springer spaniel toe jam, or, I was thirsty so I stood still a long time.

See also Grimly antiseptic.


Ergzwatt Fugness

Three options that enable Nelda to splimp.


Garnossity

Another way of saying "what."


Beelawhacker

Fundossity of popcorn breath.  Where the red thing goes down and around and down and around and down and around, and makes a very pleasing noise while it does so.  It sticks to your head.  Sometimes it gets stuck.  Then you need to grease it.  Grease may be purchased from any vendor, but be sure to watch the openings, as a real treat is to notice the spinning lines that seem to appear, but are actually an optical illusion.


Froog

Yummy.


How to get 103 points every now and then

Every time you see a red balloon type of unit crossing the screen, click it once with the left mouse button to get 103 points.


How to get 1,000,000 points

Are you sure you want to know how to do this?

If so, see Garnossity 1,000,000.


Garnossity 1,000,000

There are two screens from which you can get 1,000,000 points.  See Which two screens?


Which two screens?

The two screens are:

50% polka and Seventh-lesson stretch.

If you want to find out what to do at these screens, see What to do.


What to do

You need to press one key in each screen.  If you really want to know which key,  we will tell you, eventually.  However, it is more fun to figure it out for yourself.  See Why it's more fun to find out for yourself.


Why it's more fun to find out for yourself

It's more fun to find out for yourself because if you press the wrong key, you lose all of your points.  What a hoot, huh?


hoot

You really expect us to tell you which key to press?

Yes.

No .


No

OK, we won't tell you.

If greezle-blatt nok vooble grin shlub-shlub ribzick, noogle ak fwee, or tripple das noop.


Yes

You really want to know?  If so, see Please do not bite the furniture.


Please do not bite the furniture

To get 1,000,000 points, press the following keys:

In 50% Polka, press either - or =.

In Seventh Lesson Stretch, press either Y or U.

Remember that one of the keys gives you 1,000,000 points, and the other sets your score to 0.

Would you like to know which key does which?  If so, see Sludge in the Hair.


Sludge in the Hair

The 1,000,000-point keys are = and U.

Would you like to click one more time for no particular reason?  If so, see Click here for no particular reason.


Click here for no particular reason

We hope that was an enjoyable experience.  In the meantime, rest assured that the pugnatz will be served slowly, and with much jelly, just the way ants prefer it.


Custom Expletive

A text string displayed on a bright yellow background.  You can enable or disable the Custom Expletive, and specify the text string.  See Displaying a Custom Expletive.

See also Grimly antiseptic.


Lesson Failure Diagnosis

Furgwat non quaggle.  See Customizing the Lesson Failure Diagnosis.


Legal Stuff

Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson: Copyright  Scott Miller, 1997.

Corel Click & Create Runtime Player: Copyright © 1996 Yves Lamoureux and François Lionet, © 1996 Europress Software Limited, © 1996 Corel Corporation.

The makers and distributors of Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson are not liable for anything that might happen to you, your computer, your automobile, or your Japanese fire-bellied newts as a result of installing and/or using Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson.  Furthermore, we make no claims as to the reliability of this product; if it doesn't work, tough noogies.  Any references to characters alive or dead are coincidental.  The only exception is that if we happen to say "Richard M. Nixon is a creep," we are, in fact, referring to the Richard M. Nixon who was once president.  He was also a creep.

Finally, we must stress that boogzwat frungus ploob nick wock stuck graggle-puss.


Pig Zap

	Mostly friendly.


Antigrope

	We don't know what the hell this is.


Kanga What?

	Sometimes helpful, usually annoying.


Residents of the Planet Weeboo

	They seem to be everywhere.  We might see more of them later.  You might want to note their behavior as it could provide clues to some of the quiz answers.  Probably not, however.


The Evil Anti-Nelda

	Sporting salad remnants in her hair, she trundles south amid scab-covered newspapers.


One Egg

	It bears repeating: One Egg.


Peashooter Gargle-puss

	Pitching will be the key. If greezle-blatt nok vooble grin shlub-shlub ribzick, noogle ak fwee, or tripple das noop.


Eggnogg Foam Demon from Turlock
Eggnog Foam Demon from Turlock

	Very reliable.


Uncle Hosmer

	A swell guy.


How to Become Invincible

At any lesson, simply type zoe. That's "z" and "o" and "e."

To turn off invincibility, press 2.

Remember that you need to use the "Easy" difficulty mode to be truly invincible.


Blue Flames of King George Maybe-Maybe

We wish they had a better name.


More About Lesson Eight

1.	Jump into the shrinking device.

2.	Climb a ladder and jump on a passing Fungus platform.

3.	Traverse to the platform on the upper right.

4.	Jump on a button.

5.	Catch a ride on an Adolescent Yogurt Dish.

6.	Jump on another button.

7.	Spit at any Blue Plate Greelynobs.

There are many options for fatal mishaps in this lesson.  For help, see How to navigate the liver.


Adolescent Yogurt Dish

Pidge nagooler wunk free free boolix nock whaler.  Ig noop do shoo la bungo shaboom.  Life could be a dream.


Text string

Really dry technical jargon for "word."


How to navigate the liver

There is one path through the liver.  To see what it is, click in the upper-right corner.  To stop seeing what it is, click in the lower right corner.


Click here to find the password
Click Nelda to find the password


Password to Lesson Eleven: Mystery Gland

fud


Greezbock

Fidge.


Agrooflepoot

Choose one:

•	Fifty pounds of socks on the floor.

•	A line down the middle.

•	Getting stuck in slime mold.


Walk

A pointy little nose.


Jump

Please remember to write these values down (or save this gribble to a file).


Spit flaming custard

Expectorate inflamed milk-based dessert item.


Climb
Climbocktoo-poog 93

You may see other lines in these files that have the FOOB command in front of them. However, you should modify only those lines that mention the Trundle/Card wizard. If you are using share-level access control, type the password you want to use for the folder or printer, and examine them closely.


Hunker down

Do not stare directly at the sun while hunkering.


Pause

Recommended.  Sometimes, Nelda Nockbladder's Anatomy Lesson exhibits abnormal behavior when left alone.  Pausing is a good idea.


Help

Your key to happiness.


New Lesson
Woof

Do not stare directly at the sun while woofing.


Sound toggle

How to determine the thickness:  insert a kitchen knife and mark with an indelible pencil.

See also Grimly antiseptic.


Music toggle

Oranges on fire!


Hide Menu Bar

For a charming vacation replete with dried figs, call your local head banger.


Quit

To quit.


Passwhurd

Password.


Paws

Keeble-newt.


Quitsky

Primitive motor car using fuel-efficient gronkles.


Play sounds and hooblick
Dogs barking

Coo.


Play moozeek flud boog
Moozeek

Triumphant.


Hide the menu: Poodge

Does this exist?


Snack Bar

Place with a lot of food in it.


Flaming custard

Custard that is on fire.


Fooblenock

Greegle spoot nok grunkle foo dor nick whoopers von mickler not vibb.


Xenon, Poodle

Switching day-care providers requires an evaluation by spiders.


Poodge

Fat, but muscular.


Woogers up North

We take pride in our extended services.  Included in the basic standalone price are:

•	Driver's side airbag

•	Easy-off screw-cap lid

•	Anti-fungal agents embedded in the lower levels

•	Twanger

•	Fred Droll model impact reduction system

•	Portfolio


Preel

A small mark on an aquatic rib-licker.


Installed fugnossity

Bip... bip... bip...


Poobwap's Fresh Floodleshnuck

Available in the family or economy size.  Useful for hairline fractures of the wrist, ankle, tailbone, and earlobe.  May cause baldness in pregnant weasels.


Teleportation backwash

Squirmy puppies?  We're not sure.


Rumford

New England cake made of butter, flour, water, vanilla, salt, sugar, and needles.

See also Grimly antiseptic.


Neldaspace

Currently undefined.  Call Technical Support.


Squeebling

The surgeon general has determined that not engaging in squeebling activities on a regular basis is equivalent to ingesting three quarts of chicken hearts daily.


Plunkersump

The surgeon general has determined that not engaging in plunkersump activities on a regular basis is equivalent to ingesting three quarts of chicken hearts daily.


Polka

The surgeon general has determined that not engaging in polka activities on a regular basis is equivalent to ingesting three quarts of chicken hearts daily.


Tango

A pointy little nose.

 See also Oakland.


Hereditary

Parisian staple.


Routerstump)
Routerstump

Ten points:

To what are we referring:  Large bearded man in white leaping up and down with finger cymbals.  Rugby game.  Parachute.


Oakland

A pointy little nose.

See also Tango.


Fleeting

Our clients have voted:  this is the world's most popular brand of under-the-sink cleaning agent.

This is the type of music that goes well with a cloud of disinfected moth wings.  That sort of thing is difficult to come by these days.


Splutz

Resident in a box.

See also Grimly antiseptic.


Gelungsplutz

They deserved it.

See also Grimly antiseptic.


Gurgled

Part of the proof for Kolbeck's law of trinial gland surprises.

You can make a lot of people nervous by talking about your trinial gland.


Fungossity

We like the sound of this word.


Orb of Garglenoof

Anything known as an "orb" has to be just a little pretentious.  Don't you think so?  Orb... Orb... Orb...  Sheesh.

On a brighter note, we have just learned that when you trace around the rim of a bowling ball, you are following a much-scaled down path of the comet Gristlemouth 57.


Odd behaviour
Odd behavior

There is little agreement on what this is.


Mucking

Of or pertaining to a middle-aged pool cue.


Twelve

A number between 1 and 3,400,234,676.99999.


Irregular

It could have been a tiger.

See also Grimly antiseptic.


Wrecked

The way small animals sometimes stretch out makes one pause.  What could they be thinking?  We can only assume that they are easy prey for spa salesmen.


Window putty

Available now from Sparky Enterprises:  Iguana Designer 3.5.  Features advanced skin texture controls, dynamic motion sensor capabilities, seasonal color matching upgrades, link-to-link waddle embedding, and 40,000 virtual tongue depressors.

$5.95 with fill-up.


Mini-sploop

Reductive object in the plimpset hierarchy:

Gopher meat

   Cat tongue

      Mini-sploop

          Domain name

              ISP

                  Vibe handle


Exploding salmon egg

An item popular with those who enjoy confusing ants.

See also Confused ant.


Receptive lizard gonad

We take no responsibility.  Best when thawed in natural light.


Mrs. Alphonse Bigglesworth

A specialist in warped oboe removal and decontamination.


Deformed cube

Available now in the following colors:

•	Lemon

•	Plum

•	Off-white

•	Capricious

•	Pink

•	Light blue

•	Wrinkled


Duck

A cat wearing a shower cap.


Elsie

Not her real name.  Her real name is Beehunkerwittle.

A reader poll indicates that most readers prefer Fleabag.

Broccoli is best when not over-cooked.


Confused ant

Can ants get confused?  Some people think so.  Give them enough time (the ants, not the people).

If greezle-blatt nok vooble grin shlub-shlub ribzick, noogle ak fwee, or tripple das noop.


Big Pelvis

Expressly.


Nooska

Nooska, vooska, wooska... funny-sounding words, all of them.  There might be more, but this has not been verified.  Call Technical Support.


Verification nodule

The nodule used for verifying commonalities between common unverified nodule communalities.  Sometimes referred to as the Nodule of verification, but this is slightly inaccurate, as the true Nodule of verification is nodule used for verifying  commonalities between common previously verified nodule communalities.

See also Grimly antiseptic.


Grimly antiseptic

We like the way those words sound together.


Kicking
Kick

DM-20SL uni-directional.

See also Grimly antiseptic.


Flunk

Finish without a passing grade, which is an indication that fleeber vonk whobit with a jelly sauce.


You

Who else?